Recently, a couple confessed to us that despite doing everything “right” to maintain their relationship, they often do not feel connected or close. They work carefully on their communication, take each other into consideration, and do weekly date nights. They speak openly about their own fears of intimacy and vulnerability and work hard at owning their own stuff. Their fights are understandable, not off the charts, and their ability to do repair is well proven. They had planned a weekend getaway, and despite everything being in place, the wife reported that she just was “not feeling it.” Connection is a feeling and as such, it cannot be artificially produced or manufactured. We are complex entities with many moving parts and even though everything can be “in place” for connection, it may not be there when you want it. Just as life poses tremendous challenges, and the unexpected often occurs, developing flexibility of spirit that truly appreciates those fleeting opportunities at connection is sometimes all that can be expected. Embrace and marvel at those times when connection is achieved and appreciate yourselves, and one another with gratitude for the hard work that relationships take.

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