As you know, we believe that all couples have problems, you are supposed to have problems, and the problems persist because people do not have good ways of addressing the issues without “getting into it.” Most couples avoid difficult topics because when they are addressed, tensions rise and things escalate. In order to resolve a problem between you, you must be able to speak about it without negative feelings getting in the way. Can you raise a topic and each state your side, simply listening and talking without moving into solution mode? No judgments, no criticizing, simply listening. The first step to addressing emotional or painful topics is listening without judgment. Each person has the opportunity to state their side of an issue, while the other “just listens.” Most couples try to resolve conflict prematurely. Once you both understand each other’s point of view, you may learn some new information, have a different and more open perspective making it possible to resolve the issue. Remember, a good outcome is when both partners feel heard and understood.

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