We often talk about the concept of a Relationship Reservoir. There is “You,” there is “Me,” and there is “The Relationship.” We see the relationship as a separate entity, having its own needs to be nurtured and cared for as we would care for a child. Each entity has a reservoir that can be filled or depleted at different times. For example, when we are getting enough sleep and going to the gym (taking care of self), we may feel like our “personal reservoir” is full, we feel good. When we are spending quality time together, having sex, honoring our partner, the “relationship reservoir” may feel abundant and be able to withstand the stress of arguments. Each partner has a responsibility to monitor and replenish both personal and relational reservoirs. In this way we are better able to prevent levels getting too low, which can blindside us and catapult us into a fight. Honoring oneself and the relationship can be difficult in our busy lives, however the benefits are rewarding. If you accept the challenge of improving your relationship, begin by asking yourself, “Do I honor myself and my partner?” “What changes can I make?” Frequently, it is the small things that do not take much time - kinder words, respect, a smile, a hug – what we call “restorative moments” that translate into having more satisfying relationships. Perhaps you have ideas about how you fill your relationship reservoir? As always, we would love to hear from you!

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