So often when we meet with couples, it feels as though people are struggling with “growing pains” – natural developmental issues of growth or expansion in the relationship. There are the unexpected challenges that life tosses at us: relocation or loss of a job; illness of a parent requiring attention and taking away from the family; emotional or physical issues of a child. The unexpected occurs and the relationship is challenged. Then, there is the natural growth and development of the individual. Things that once used to work for us, no longer do. The wife, who wanted to stay home with the kids, now wants to return to work. The husband, who used to enjoy couple and family time, now seems to need space for himself. It is as though the two of you are moving along in a dinghy on the ocean. Sometimes the sea is calm and sunshine rules. At other times, turbulence reigns and you must tighten your grip to stay afloat. The boat must not capsize and you need to work together to face life’s challenges. Relationships must be fluid and expansive. They must incorporate rules and agreements and the ability to integrate change. Growing pains are healthy and normal. Do not be angry with your partner for changing the deal. See change as positive growth and together address the ramifications of altering the status quo.

We appreciate thoughts and ideas for future Pearls from our readership, please submit them to us at marrylabs@comcast.net.