We are in that time of year when couples face the daunting task of planning summer vacations. Frequently, one person has meaningful childhood memories of a special place they vacationed with their parents and they long to continue the traditions with their children. We work with many couples in which the wife spent summers on Cape Cod. Her dad would work all week and come down on weekends. Her parents still own a place and she expects to continue the tradition bringing the kids to her parents’ for the summer. Men today do not want to be away from their wives and children all week but the wife says, “You work all day and we do not see you anyway and you are exhausted by the time you come home. How could you deprive the kids of time with their grandparents and days on the beach?” In addition, there is the added complication that one person has these magical memories of a place and their partner may not enjoy the venue. For the spouse with it “in their blood” they are saying, “Isn’t this the best?” as it recalls positive childhood memories while it may not work for their spouse. They certainly do not share in the magical past. How to integrate past and present, how to acknowledge that what one person longs for may not be so great for their partner are complicated and potentially difficult themes which require careful understanding. In addition, the issue of how much time to spend with extended family verses on your own is a topic for another Pearl.

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