For those of you who have been reading our Pearls for a while, you know that one of our favorite themes is the influence of “opposites attract.” Relationships are difficult enough, but adding in the tension of a spender married to a saver, or someone whose brain needs time to process information involved with a partner who is a quick study, often are at the root of couple struggles. This time of Covid 19 has served up a blatant “opposites attract” theme: One person is anxious and immobilized while their spouse has been slow to shelter in place. Some people seem to internalize the seriousness of the virus, while they are scoffed at by their spouse who goes out without a mask, does not wash their hands enough and often does not seem to grasp the enormity of the situation. When life was “normal,” relationships were diluted because couples spent much less time together, so these differences were less magnified. The conflicts posed by couple’s differences create a cascade of struggle. One person worries about expiration dates on milk or eggs while their partner is fine eating “expired” food. When it comes to watching the kids, one partner is hands on while the other “watches the kids” while playing a game on their phone. One spouse thinks their job is more important than their partner’s. They sequester themselves in their office all day while their partner has to juggle watching the kids and work. There are a multitude of examples of conflicting viewpoints that have emerged in these difficult times. How couples negotiate personal, couple and family needs is critical. Cutting your partner slack, giving them the benefit of the doubt and working as a team are more important than ever before.

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