Many of us think of a good relationship as one in which there are few conflicts and our needs are met. Inevitably, this mindset leads to disappointment. The truth is, the very nature of being in a relationship is difficult. Each person comes with different backgrounds, personalities, and imbedded beliefs about what a relationship is ‘supposed’ to be. A more realistic perspective is having useful strategies to weather these differences successfully. It is helpful to remind ourselves that loving our partner is about accepting the totality of them and their many intricacies, their thoughtfulness and kindness (the parts that we are attracted to) and their selfishness and moodiness (parts we are trying to fix). The key is balancing and holding on to both perspectives at the same time; relationships can be good and they can be difficult. This can be challenging and requires frequent practice of mindful acknowledgement and intention. An acknowledgment that none of us is perfect, each of us stressed in our own way, and most of the time we are doing the best we can. An intention to practice being our best self, being compassionate and forgiving to both ourselves and our partner when we do not live up to that goal. The reality is that relationships are filled with “ups and downs” and life is constantly throwing unpredictable curves. We need to get better at developing skills to navigate the rough waters to the best of our ability; that is a successful relationship! Take a breath – embrace the Yin and the Yang!

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