One of the exercises couples do in our Communication Class is for each person to identify how they take care of themselves and how they take care of their partner. Often, couples are surprised and sometimes hurt when they learn what their partner is doing to ‘take care of them’ as it does not always land as a feeling of being taken care of. How we love and feel loved is rooted in our childhood experiences. In our formative years, joy, suffering, disappointment, and shame all influence our ideas and beliefs about love. We bring all of this into our adult relationships as we set out looking for a mate who can offer what feels familiar. Many of you are acquainted with of the work of Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages. In his book he outlines five general categories in ways we feel taken care of: Physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and gifts. Identifying your own love language and sharing it with your partner is key toward getting your needs met and feeling loved. Unintentionally, we may miss the mark by being uninformed and delivering our own currency of love to them. Set aside time to talk to your partner about the things that you can do that will make them feel loved and valued. Be open to what they say and careful not to judge them. Remember we are all different and wired based on our life experiences. Good relationships are based on goodwill and trust and offering the right love language can help build both. We would love to hear what you learn from each other and how that is going in your relationship!

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