Have you ever asked yourself “Why is it so important to be right?” As marriage counselors we often ask our couples if they would rather be “right or be happy,” or be “right or be married”? Most people say they want to be happy, however the embedded beliefs about what it means to be “happy” and what it means to be “wrong,” often override our behavior. These beliefs are rooted in our childhood and our educational systems. We are rewarded for being right and feel criticized or shamed for being wrong. Defending our need to be right can often trigger negative emotions putting us into the fight or flight response causing our heart rate to increase along with a cascade of other harmful health effects, even compromising our immune function. On the other hand, when we make an effort to be curious and explore perspectives other than our own, we use a more thoughtful part of our brain, activating a healthier state of being, which actually creates feelings of connection with our partner. Do we really want to win an argument at the expense of our happiness or our relationship? It behooves us to learn how to be “OK” with being wrong. In the spirit of being human, we all have our own perceptions about ourselves and others and we all make mistakes, but that doesn’t mean there always needs to be someone to blame. Really, what is so bad about being wrong or making a mistake, even when we are right? ;-)

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