“The Heart is given a different pair of ears to listen to what the mind cannot,” Rumi We often think of listening as just hearing words, exchanging words with one another, and having dialogue with someone. Those of you who have taken the Couple Communication Class may remember, that different conversations have different corresponding styles of talking and listening. For example, the listening style that corresponds to small talk and shop talk may be conventional listening, not requiring our full attention. Practicing good listening skills is important, however recognizing which style of listening is needed in our conversations can further improve our communication. It has been shown that when we listen deeply, it can improve our health, the health of our partner and our relationships. There are many kinds of listening and not every conversation requires deep listening. We want to listen deeply with topics that are difficult, important and/or emotionally charged. We want to listen not just with our ears, but with our whole body, our mind and with an open heart. Do you know that the heart sends more signals to the brain than the other way around? Deep listening is being “In” conversation, not just “having” conversation. It means listening with curiosity, a wish to truly understand (not necessarily agree with) what our partner is saying, what is not being said, and the emotion being conveyed to us. Being a good listener takes practice, especially in our busy lives. When the opportunity arises, take pause, sit down and really listen to your partner, your friend, your children. You might hear things you would not otherwise have heard. Give the gift of listening to yourself and to others!

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