Much of our work with couples involves broadening the view. Folks often get locked into a perception of their partner that does not allow room for the “fit” or context. We only see the negative, the irritation of who they are, without appreciating what they bring to the table. Our partner is a resource for us because they represent an opportunity for our personal growth. They hold up a mirror for us and we may not like what we see. What appears to be a mismatch is actually an exquisite match. It is not an accident that we picked who we did. It is by design. Can you stop focusing on the rough edges, the parts that appear so alien, and view the relationship in its broader context? Exercise: Take a moment to reframe an element of your mate that irritates you (because they are so different than you). Write down one of your partner’s most difficult characteristics. Now look from another lens at this very trait from a position of appreciation. Example: “I hate my partner’s being so cheap” becomes “he is a very good saver” or “It is difficult that my partner does not like to plan” becomes “I love her spontaneity.”