It has been stated many times that feeling alone in a marriage feels worse than being alone and single. Being with another and not feeling a connection can lead to despair, as the appearance of being “in relationship” while knowing the disconnect, is devastating. Feeling loved by a partner involves a kind of understanding and empathy that is greater than “spending time together.” For a relationship to be successful, we must truly understand the currency of love for our partner and deliver what is important to them. Bringing her flowers or making him dinner or having a date night, may not do it. The feeling of connection and attachment trumps everything. What is mysterious is when “I know in my head that you love me, but I do not feel loved by you.“ Is our not feeling loved, a comment about us and our capacity to feel loved (low self-esteem, past abuse, etc) or are we just mismatched and how you love me does not land for me? Teach me how to love you the way you need to be loved.