After several years of marriage, when the bloom was off the rose, the couple was having a tense skirmish and the husband shrieked, “I just want to be happy.” His wife looked at him wistfully and said, “I want so much more…..” These statements reflect a great deal about our expectations. Why is it that some people want peaceful co-existence, while others hope to find connection and healing in their relationship? Understand that it is normal that you would each have different expectations due to gender and your life experiences. What is important is recognizing these differences and the roles they play in your relationship. Exercise: Separately, write down your hopes, dreams, and aspirations for your relationship. Ideally, this should be done before you marry and then periodically throughout the years as you learn more about one another, shaping the developmental stages of your life together. When you share your wants with your partner, it is not a dialogue. Each of you is to present your image of how it should be and your partner simply listens. The final step is to recognize the differences and how to incorporate them into your relationship rather than fight about them.