If you are taking the time to read this, then you are looking for answers or at least perspective and you understand that relationships are both complicated and frustrating, and at times wondrous and fulfilling. It is interesting that those out of relationship long to be in, while those in relationship often fantasize about being on their own. Really, what makes it so difficult? Is it that we all basically want things our own way, to do what we want when we want, and having another forces compromise? Or is it as my former Psychology Professor suggested. He insisted that all of us should be married three times: The first, a wild and crazy brief whirlwind of a relationship; The second, someone down to earth to have babies with (solid, predictable, reasonable); And then a third partner to grow old with (his current spouse and third wife). Recently, I thought back on his message, which, I had previously dismissed as folly and now realize that he may be onto something. Not that people should marry three times, but rather marriage must offer a kind of flexibility and adaptability to change with the times and developmental tasks of each stage; A fresh approach to accommodate the birth of the first child, death of a parent, unexpected job transfers, illnesses, etc. Individuals need to do a better job of recognizing their own needs and those of their partner’s at different life stages. Being in a rut and utilizing the same patterns over and over again is stale and not effective. The relationship is a separate entity, which requires delicate care and management. If you are too preoccupied with work, the computer, the kids, your parents, things get out of whack. Negotiating closeness and distance, involvement and separateness, or who will work outside the house and when, are fundamental tasks, which require awareness of self and other. There are no “givens.” Everything is negotiable and calls for open, flexible communication and agreements, which need to be revisited from time to time. Do both of you have input into decision making? Who wields the power? Take into account that different stages require different strategies. It is not “one size fits all,” but rather taking into consideration life cycle events and adapting accordingly with input from each partner.