One of the more curious aspects of relationships is that change (growth?) is imperceptible and moves at a snail’s pace. So often we work with a couple that come in with complaints about each other (“He refuses to even come to couples therapy”; “She never touches me”; “I hate his sarcasm”; “She is always late”). Subsequently, one partner says, “We have been coming here for months and nothing is any different.” We understand that that is said out of frustration, but we can see that he now seems on board and willing to attend, she does occasionally make an effort to be more affectionate, etc. What is this about? One aspect is that things that we think about other become etched in stone. We get an idea about our partner and it gets locked in. It is difficult to update our brain that “It used to be like this but now…….” A related aspect is that we need to protect ourselves from letting our guard down regarding a change in our partner for fear that they will revert back to old ways and thus we will be disappointed. Why is this important? Couples get stuck in their perceptions of one another, which may allow predictability but does not allow CHANGE. We are annoyed with each other and want things to be different yet we do not acknowledge changes when they occur. It is important to comment upon it when your partner corrects something you have been complaining about. Give them credit and they are more likely to continue the change. Why is it so difficult to even see the efforts your partner is making for the good of the relationship? Take a moment to think about what you might need to give up in order to acknowledge positive changes in your partner.