When we are sitting with a couple and one partner says, “Do you want me to be honest?” we brace ourselves for the cruelty. It seems that a spouse can use the “honest knife” as an excuse to mutilate their partner. Is it true that “talking it out” leads to better understanding and good feelings – growth? This is a complicated topic as couples avoid sharing their truths, which keeps things bottled up and the unexpressed creates its own treacherous path. Can you share your perspective with your partner in a way that is not cruel, harmful, or disarming? Can things be said from the heart so that the information can be shared for the greater good of the couple? The next time “You are just being honest,” pause to consider the effect on your partner and whether you are actually sharing helpful information or using “honesty” as an excuse to maim.