Because last month’s Pearl was so well received, we thought we would send another “simple” (or not so simple) technique your way. For those of you who have worked with us over the years, the concept is that of “bystanding.” Along the lines of “respond don’t react,” bystanding involves getting a grip on your internal emotional knee jerk reactions so that when your partner says something which feels emotionally charged, you pause, take a breath, and just let it go by. Bystanding is not passive aggressive but simply noticing. Ironically if you allow yourself to simply listen, there may be some valuable feedback available. If your “thinking brain” can overrule your “reactive brain” the very incident that might have led to a skirmish may afford adult conversation. Is the feedback offered about you or are there lessons to be learned about your partner? Are you able to not take the bait but rather analyze the statement to ponder what buttons got pushed and whose? Remember Gail’s statement: You do not have to participate in every fight you are invited to!