We once worked with a couple (now divorced) in which the husband worked two jobs and was never home so that he could “provide for the family.” They lived in a large McMansion and he insisted that this was “for her.” For her part, she claimed to hate and not need such a home and wished he were around more to participate in family life. She felt he needed this huge house in this fancy neighborhood as a status symbol, but at what cost to the relationship? It was once said that all couples unconsciously select one of their four parents to model their lives after. Who made the decision in your relationship about where and how you live? Who “chooses” vacation plans (how often we see the person who loves to just veg out on the beach married to someone who hates lying in the sun)? The concept of “free will” in a relationship is an interesting one in that it is great when people share values and want similar things, but invariably you run into places of disagreement. Usually, one person dominates. If one person is setting the pace at all times, and the other is “going along,” eventually it catches up with the couple. Stay tuned to next month’s Pearl when we explore the interesting and complicated concept of “Free Will” in a relationship context. Where does free will fit into compromise and flexibility?