We received such interesting feedback from last month’s Pearl that we decided to take another run at it (we still accept that you do often hurt the one you love). As you grow into adulthood, there are many life lessons and one involves life experience that causes you to examine your definitions of fairness. We attempt to teach our children the concept of fairness in their treatment of others and how they are treated. We are accustomed to hearing the wail of our eight-year old or teenager exclaiming, “That’s not fair.” As we mature, things occur such as the premature death of a loved one, battles with illness, our being laid off from a job unjustly, our home being destroyed by a tornado and we learn that sometimes life is not “fair.” This expands our definition of fairness. So when it comes to fairness in an adult committed relationship, we like to think that one does have some influence over the aspect of fairness in how you treat each other and in defining the relationship contract (expectations, roles, each of your viewpoints of how it should be). This involves honest, open communication and needs to be revisited frequently through the developmental stages of the relationship, as there are different demands on the relationship at different stages. Fairness needs to be expanded to a broader definition, not the competitive narrow focus (you got to go to the gym last night, so I get to go tonight). Sometimes we need to sacrifice for weeks or months or years, so that our partner can move forward in a way that they need to and hopefully, we will get our turn at a later date. At times, it is just part of the relationship (just like life) that things may not seem “fair.” As a couple, you can develop the awareness and skills required to realign things as needed.